Perhaps the time to do something is not right now. You say you don’t want children “in the near future”, but might you want them in the far future? I think that’s an important consideration, too. I think you are being incredibly sensible to think this through, and not just think that love will fix everything But in terms of living together, unless there is a sudden and committed change of heart, one of you will massively compromise and the next stage of your relationship will start on a bedrock of resentment. Of course you can carry on as you are, indefinitely. He doesn’t want to come and live with you. When I am really struggling with emotional situations, I look at the practicalities. People leave relationships because they grow tired of each other, or the situation they find themselves in has changed to a point that makes it unsustainable. What I think you want is permission for me to say: it’s OK to leave this relationship, which you say is the best you’ve had so far, because it’s not working for you. I can’t make fabulous new jobs in the little remote town where your boyfriend lives. I wonder why you’ve written to me? Because obviously I can’t offer you a teleporter or a solution that you haven’t, actually, already thought of. Should I just count my blessings or admit we have no future and try to find someone closer to home? We are due to marry next year but I feel that perhaps we are being naive in thinking that this can last in the long-term. We have looked into moving together to a different city in the country where he lives, but each time I suggest an alternative solution he seems unwilling to consider it and cites his job and the convenience of living close to work and family as a reason not to move. The language barrier is also a problem for him. My boyfriend is also unwilling to entertain the possibility of coming to live here because he has a secure, well-paid job where he is. Every time I spend more than a few days where he lives, I begin to feel stifled and depressed. I love my boyfriend very much and cannot contemplate being with anyone else, but I am reluctant to give up what I have to live somewhere very isolated that offers me few opportunities. I am happy with my lifestyle, have a job I love, friends and family close by and a wonderful home. I feel as if I would be making a huge sacrifice and taking a massive step backwards if I were to move there. My boyfriend lives in a remote town in Europe. I am not interested in starting a family now or in the near future. I am in my mid-30s and enjoying a great career. This, coupled with the fact that I often do miss my partner and think about the things we would enjoy as a couple if we lived together, make me wonder whether the relationship is viable. Yet I am constantly faced with questions from well-meaning friends and family about how sustainable our relationship is and maybe that has planted seeds of doubt in my mind. We have our own space and plenty of time to devote to the activities we enjoy. On the surface it seems we have the perfect relationship – we are never bored with each other, and count down the days before we can be together again. However, recently I have started to question this set-up. He comes over regularly so we see each other every five to 10 days or so, which until now has suited us very well. I am self-employed and am often sent to work in the country where he lives. Ever since then we have been in a long-distance relationship and live 1,500 miles apart. My boyfriend and I have been together for more than five years and met while I was working abroad.
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